Hermitworks Entertainment Blogs

Every year during the summer months, a great horn can be heard sounding in the Northwest of America. Out of all mankind, only a few heed the call of this bleating noise and begin the long cross-country (And in some cases, continent hopping) journey towards its source - the Penny Arcade Expo. I went on behalf of HermitWorks to promote Space Trader. These are my expeditionary notes.

I arrived at the event on Friday. An endless and varied wall of humanity blocked my way. For many kilometers people of all shapes and sizes had lined up, waiting to be allowed into Mecca - the exhibition floor. Many would sit in huddled groups, gazing into the twin screens of Nintendo DS systems - there was nary a PSP to be seen. Other groups would sit cross legged in circles, viciously battling through the medium of Magic: The Gathering. Still others busied themselves with memorizing the contents of the program guide, hoping to glean some untold secrets that would give them mastery over their peers.

At a rigorous pace I walked past this great lineup and handed out leaflets that extolled the virtues of Space Trader. They were very well received, with several of the people yelling out things like “Cool!” and “Oh hey, thanks!”. I briefly mused that, perhaps, they would take anything I wished to hand out.

I decided that at my current pace I would quickly run out of leaflets - and an exhibitor with nothing to hand out to the masses is a dangerous position indeed. I took my place at the end of the line, only to be boxed in moments later by an additional eighty hojillion people.

Their dialect was strange and foreign to me. They would use words like “Noob” and “Pwn” in actual, real life conversations. They sounded very guttural and offensive, so I took care to jot them down for use should I ever come into confrontation with an attendee.

Certain members of the crowd had decided to dress up in what I can only assume to be ritualistic garments. Some were extravagant and colorful, while others where dark, vinyl and… overly revealing. Luck was with me, as I had brought several costumes and outfits in my bag for use in gaining trust and friendship.

Eventually the line began to march forward - albeit at a glacial pace. At one junction a group of exhibitors handed out bags full of what they called “Swag”. Those bags would become a very familiar sight indeed as the event wore on, the attendees would use them to hoard whatever treasures they found.

Suddenly, a cry was heard! One of the crowd had looked at me and shrieked, alarming the others in his group.

“Aren’t you the guy in that ad in the magazine?” he inquired.

I told him that I was indeed and that because he had found me he would win a prize. The group quickly huddled around me in anticipation of his reward.

“The rules are that you can either keep the first item I give you, or you can exchange it for a second item that you MUST keep!” I informed him. He squealed with delight as I reached into my bag and handed him… a T-Shirt that said ‘MICKEY MOUSE’, but with the Space Trader logo emblazoned on the back.

He laughed. His group laughed. And then he decided to risk it all for the mystery item. Once more I reached into my bag and came out with a polyester skirt branded with Space Trader. Again the group was filled with laughter and I knew that the danger had passed - I was safe from the mob.

Now I had finally made it to the end of the line and onto the exhibition floor, a place so full of colored flashing lights and heavy throbbing music that some attendees simply went mad, beginning to gesticulate and dance wildly on colored pads in beat with some unheard song.

My field notes at this point became hurried and scribbled - I will have to decipher them and continue on another time.

Regards, Daigle